Breathe, Just Breathe

Every year, around my birthday, I take a honest look at my life and reevaluate where I’m going and what I’m doing, what I believe and what I chose to reexamine.  This year I turned 53.  And I decided that some things needed to change.  My goal for this year was to cultivate an attitude of serenity and just let stuff go. 

I was doing pretty well until last week.  This Advent/Christmas season was the best emotionally for me in a very long time.  Then the proverbial shit hit the proverbial fan.

Little Church Around the Corner rents 98% of its facilities to a community Day Care, run by a county not-for-profit.  It was established at LCAC a year before I came.  I still haven’t gotten all the details, but the prevailing feeling is that the parishioners were somehow ‘conned’ into accepting it.  Fastforward five years and the contract between the church and daycare will be up this July.  Unbeknownest to me (and not cleared through me), the Church Council Chair called for folks to let their feelings about renewing the contract be known.  Snail mail letter or e-mail.  Signed of course.

Long story short, they not only vented about the DayCare, but they complained about everything else.  All the new things we’ve added to make this church seem more welcoming, seem more friendly, and to offer to seekers.  They don’t like the changes … and they don’t like the changes as much as they don’t like the DayCare.

Church Council Chair recommending putting together a committee to discuss whether or not the church should enter into contract talks with the DayCare and then she recused herself.  So, it gets left to me.

I’ve got a lot on my plate and my mind right now.  All the things I’ve tried to institute to help this church LIVE have been blown apart.  Screw all the work we’ve done with core values, mission and vision statements.  Screw the programs in which we invested A LOT of time, energy and money.  These folks just want to play at church, not be the church.

And if they kick the Day Care out, there goes 15% of our income, our reputation that we’re a “changed” church (there is a history), the new Youth Director and youth program because they won’t give any more money.

Yesterday I allowed myself to feel how angry I am – and it scared me.  I’m so tired of ministry and the crap that goes with it.  There are days when I just hate this frickin’ life.

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About moseyingthrough

Self. Spouse. Mother. Nana. Clergy. Pastor. Progressive. Feminist. Child of God. That about sums it up.
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