Wedding Bell Hell

I officiated at a wedding yesterday against my better inclinations.  I’ve known the bride and groom since they were small children and I remember them coming to Sunday School at a former appointment.  I really didn’t want to do a New Years Day wedding, but for the kid’s sake, nostalgia’s sake and no thanks to the current pastor who said he REALLY didn’t mind if I officiated, I reluctantly agreed to do it.

It was the wedding from Gehanna in the Kidron Valley!

Nothing went right.  I got there about a half hour early and the bride nor her attendants were even dressed yet. 

The church only has two rooms and the restroom, located off the back room, was in use by the bridal party.  The bride’s uncle (in his 40’s) really had to pee and wouldn’t think of going behind the pavillon!  What a whiner!  I finally told him to tie a knot in it.

The groom’s mama was a whole lot of NOT happy about the wedding, so she copped an attitude and was a major frownie-brownie.

It was raining, but the bride REALLY wanted to walk down the aisle.  She and her attendants went out through the back door, out into the rain, across the icy/muddy parking lot, up the ramp and into the back of the church.  Uncle “But I Really Have to Pee!” was in charge of pressing the button on the CD player to play Pachelbel Canon for the ladies to process to.  That’s all he had to do.  Yep, he messed it up.

There was a powerful pile of children in attendance.  Normally, I don’t mind kids at all, but it seemed that they were all out of control at the same time!  Running up and down the aisles.  Yelling.  Screaming.  Laughing.  Crying.  Oy!!!!!

Did I mention the groomsmen were dressed up gangster style with pinstrips, armbands and hats?  Not my cup of tea.  The groom didn’t look the bride in the eye the whole time.

After the ceremony was over and the pronouncement made (mercifully!), the bridal party got ready to recess out.  The opening few notes of Da, da, da, dadada, dum, da, da and then was silence.  I looked over at Uncle “I Really Gotta Pee!” and he just shrugged his shoulders and mouthed, “It just went off on its own!”  It was then I noticed the little blond head of the ringbearer sticking up from behind the table.  I walked over and the little kid handed me the plug and cord to the CD player.

I greeted the couple at the receiving line, grabbed my coat and got the hell out of there!

I have 12 weddings lined up for 2011.  I hope this won’t be the trend!


About moseyingthrough

Self. Spouse. Mother. Nana. Clergy. Pastor. Progressive. Feminist. Child of God. That about sums it up.
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